Someone Make a Move… Frozen Temperatures + Frozen Sports Scene have Us Pleading for News

“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray to the lord there’s an asset we won’t keep. If I wake without something to write about, I’m going to start hitting people with my vehicle……….. if I can get it to start.”

Everyone knows that prayer, right?

Anybody else ready to send their kids to a year-long boarding school or maybe even ready to test the limit on what is considered abuse in 2019? Yes.

When they announce school is closed Tuesday and Wednesday. #IHaveToWork #Kids https://t.co/tZRx0FvpBT

— b. (@b_heintzz) January 29, 2019

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Parents all over Minnesota are ready to pack their bags and head for warmer climates, or at least they will be by the end of Wednesday. Most schools around the state have been closed since Monday after a snowstorm, that dropped anywhere from 4-12 inches across the state, was followed by a polar vortex that might bring the next ice age.

But of course, we can’t all just be locked inside with our kids all day with things to read and new sports subjects to talk about on social media. Nope. We are also in the middle of a weird blank space in the winter sports calendar, that has our active major sports teams currently on a break…. simultaneously.

The Timberwolves are on a losing streak anyway but if they were playing and losing more, we might actually see them call it a season. The smart thing to do, going forward, is to trade all assets that won’t be on the team next year so we can start to rebuild and tank for the draft.

Losing would continue if we start dealing guys too. We’ve already seen how well this team plays without some of their veterans, who have recently been injured. Let the losing begin!

Meanwhile, the Wild have been on the opposite side of the spectrum…

via GIPHY

Winning three-straight and four of their last five, the Wild are building a cushion between themselves and the teams directly below them. But in classic Wild-like fashion, as soon as they get hot they went on the all-star break. Not just any All-Star break though… Nope, while some teams got back to the ice to resume their seasons last night, the Wild will wait UNTIL FRIDAY to play again…

via GIPHY

And then we have the Minnesota Twins, who are outside of their season obviously, but have the opportunity to grab fans by the genitals and caress them into reading, talking, and thinking about their team. With MLB free agency fully ablaze and plenty of team needs and money available for the Twins…. the team has done nothing recently.

So again, pray to whatever god you believe in; that one of these three major sports teams will make some sort of move, to make headlines in the next 48 hours. I’ve spent way too long thinking about legal ways to get rid of our children…

Come on teams… do it for the kids.

Eric Strack | Minnesota Sports Fan