The Gophers are 5-0 and the noise around them is still quiet. There is a lot going on in the state of Minnesota sports right now (possibly less after the Twins game tonight) so this is a difficult time of year to compete for coverage. On top of that, while the Gophers haven’t been 5-0 since 2004, there is still an unwillingness to jump on any bandwagon with “Minnesota Gophers” on the side of it.

That’s fine. I’ve said it before and I will say it here again. Nobody should tell you how to be a fan and there is no box around fandom. You can hate PJ Fleck and still be a Gopher football fan. I have nothing against that. The Gopher football team has been bad for a long time. In that time, they’ve been passed up by 4 professional sports teams, in popularity. This isn’t Nebraska, where all you have to do (besides pick corn and think about women from Minnesota) is watch the college football team. Attention in the Minnesota sports market is earned.

Make winning a trend, instead of an occasion, and the seats will fill. This state loves football and loves the Gophers.

But while we are talking about Nebraska, we might as well stay there, since that is the Gophers’ opponent for this weekend. Nebraska has looked like shit most of the year. The Gophers were able to come out on top of close games vs lesser, non-conference opponents, while the Huskers were not. In week 2, they lost to a Colorado team that has been beaten by both Air Force and Arizona, since. Then they got into Big Ten play, barely squeaked by Illinois (who the Gophers just beat 40-17), got absolutely POUNDED by Ohio State (48-7), and then beat a bad Northwestern team (13-10) with a last second field goal this last weekend.

A loss at TCF Bank Stadium on Saturday (especially if it’s by a wide margin) would have everyone questioning the genius of Scott Frost (who I’ve dubbed Brewster 2.0 because of his unfounded hype train). And, I almost want that destruction in Lincoln as badly as I want a 6-0 record in Minneapolis. Nebraska fans are somehow much worse than Wisconsin, Iowa, and Michigan fans COMBINED. 

But again, the Cornhusker family has absolutely nothing better to do with their lives, than travel to other states around the country and cheer on their beloved red and white during football season. They live in Nebraska, after all. My dad played in a national slow-pitch softball tournament in Nebraska one year, when I was young, and we drove the RV down to save some money. We had issues finding the campsite because seeing anything, that is cut out of the middle of a cornfield, is difficult. We forgot that Nebraska doesn’t have a tree, let alone a woods, to hold a campsite. So, they cut them out of fucking cornfields…. Lakes? LOL. How about an out-of-service pool, instead? Awww…. Nebraska life.

So to avoid inevitable death by boredom, the football team’s fanbase travels unlike that of very many around the NCAA. Because of that delusion, they drive up ticket prices as if their game will be the last ever held, at each venue they play. Seriously, it goes beyond absurd. The prices are double for every seat… All three of these pictures are from GopherSports.com. The first two are from this upcoming weekend vs Nebraska and the last one is for October 26, vs Maryland… — Clicking each picture will take you to ticket options (Through the University of Minnesota) for the game they represent.

Nebraska @ Minnesota (TCF Bank Stadium – 10/12)

Maryland @ Minnesota (TCF Bank Stadium – 10/26)

I know… I know… it’s insane. But, there are things that you can control in this world and their are things you cannot. With only 5 days remaining until this game, there are two facts of life that we cannot change before kickoff:

  1. You cannot fix the delusion of Nebraska fans.
  2. It’s difficult to find an extra boat-load of money in 5 days

Because of these difficult truths, I’m not going to bang on drums that will ring hollow. I’m a “problem-solver”, not a “bitch and moaner”. So, here is how we keep Nebraska fans from taking over the most important football game played by the Gophers in 16 years (2004):

We need to call upon all of the rich Minnesota Gopher fans that live within our family.

Because of our abysmal last 60 years, it’s beyond difficult to become a Gopher Football fan if you don’t live here, or at-least, hail from this the great state. Fuck, many have graduated from the prestigious University of Minnesota, to go on and live successful and $$$ fulfilling lives around the world. Why? BECAUSE WE BREED SUCCESS IN MINNESOTA. Beyond all of the Fortune-500 companies we have in the Twin Cities (19 in 2018) we have Minnesotans all around the globe that are running successful businesses of their own/or successful companies they’ve been trusted with.

Those are the men and women that we need, to make sure we drown out any voice that those disgusting Husker Fans might bring to our beloved TCF Bank Stadium, this coming Saturday.

It’s too often that the rich get a bad wrap. They are blamed for everything that is wrong in the world, including the lifelessness that has taken over some of the stadiums around the country, for sporting events. Well, for the Minnesota Gopher fans who have padded wallets and padded bank accounts, I’m here to tell you that I’m not mad; and that most of the finger-pointing is based on jealousy. You’ve always known it but I’m just goint to say it. And this, is an unbelievable opportunity for you to show all of the middle-class and poor fans around you, that you aren’t selfish; and that you want to use your money to spread good around the world and to stop the spread of evil.

So rich Minnesota Gopher football fans, will you accept this challenge? Will you put the state of Minnesota football on your shoulders, and help cheer our favorite college football team to its first 6-0 start since 2003 (they won 10 games that year) That’s a question that only you, your Saturday plans, and your padded bank accounts can answer. We need you, rich people of Minnesota. We need you now, more than ever.

IF YOU ARE READY TO PUT MINNESOTA FOOTBALL ON YOUR BACK, PURCHASE YOUR TICKETS FOR SATURDAY HERE. THOSE OF US WHO CAN’T AFFORD IT, THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!

If you do purchase tickets for this game, Minnesota Sports Fan would love to give you a shoutout on Twitter and on both our Instagram and Facebook stories so feel free to reach out on any of those platforms with a screen shot of your purchase so we can get you the love you deserve!

Eric Strack | Minnesota Sports Fan