Hey! Did you guys hear the news?! The Vikings are going to suck this season! Yup, you read that right! All of that shit that we ate up, about this “improved offensive line” and “a better, more comfortable Kirk Cousins”, or even “that genius Rob Brzynski”… they were ALL LIES. Just ask this REALLY smart guy, Adam Rank, who works for NFL Network.

The NFL restricts its YouTube videos (of course they do) from being embedded into an article or blog like we normally do here, so you can go to their youtube page HERE to watch for yourself. The Vikings start at the 1:03 mark.

According to Adam, the Vikings are going to finish at 5-11 and the disappointment will start immediately. Looking at the schedule from a wide angle (we need to mostly throw last season for each team out the window but it’s difficult), games look to get tough early. But the Vikings open the season at home vs the Atlanta Falcons, who ESPN has picked to win 7 games this year, so hopefully we can get off to a good start, right?

Here were Mr. Rank’s final results for the 2019 Minnesota Vikings:

  1. Falcons – L
  2. @ Packers – L
  3. Raiders – W
  4. @ Bears – L
  5. @ Giants – W
  6. Eagles – L
  7. @ Lions – L
  8. Redskins – W
  9. @ Chiefs – L
  10. @ Cowboys – L
  11. Broncos – W
  12. BYE
  13. @ Seahawks – W
  14. Lions – L
  15. @ Chargers – L
  16. Packers – L
  17. Bears – L

Good thing we have Adam Rank so I don’t have to watch the Vikings and be heartbroken this season. What a blessing. It’s going to be terrible when we go 0-6 vs. the Division… just when you thought the Lions were back on the downfall… And, so much for US Bank Stadium being a homefield advantage… Although 3 of our 4 wins come at home, they come against the Raiders, Redskins, and Broncos. We’d might as well bring the Rutgers Football team to town for a Sunday night, amirite?

At least we get that one road upset in week 13, coming out of a bye (when nobody ever wins), on the road vs. the Seahawks (where nobody ever wins)… that’s a glimmer of future hope, right? 

There is no light at the end of the tunnel, Vikings fans. Here is our friend (and admitted Vikings fan himself) Mike Florio of ProFootballTalk.com, telling his audience on the NBC Sports Network about how much Kyle Shanahan might rather have Kirk Cousins as his quarterback, opposed to Jimmy Garoppolo, should the Vikings flop in 2019 and want to make a change going forward. 

Roll that tape:

Oh, and quickly back to Adam Rank, before we finish up. He also predicted the Bears to go 16-0 and the Packers to finish 12-4… That’s easy to do when you have a shit team like the Vikings on your schedule…

Adam Rank… thank you…. for being a complete fucking moron.

Eric Strack | Minnesota Sports Fan